My best friend, Heaven, has been through a lot in the last year.
She got pregnant the first time in September 2011 and was EXTREMELY excited, in November she had a car accident and ended up losing the baby. She got pregnant again really soon afterwards and was extremely happy to be pregnant once again.
She got married in January 2012 and was 11ish weeks pregnant at that time. On February 8th, 2012 she went in for her usual appointment and ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. Like any expectant mother she was again extrememly devistated. On February 27th, 2012 at 15 weeks pregnant she naturally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, that she named Caycen Michael. She was in a pretty bad place for a few months. She constantly texted me and asked me why this happened to her, why would God do this, what did she do to deserve this? I had no answers for her. I don't know why this happened and I tried to comfort her and tell her that I loved her and that I was sorry for all her pain.
In July she found out she was expecting again and was super extremely excited! That excitement was shortlived again because at 9 weeks pregnant she started having the signs and symptoms of a miscarriage and again she was heart broken.
Most recently she texted me some photos of a positive pregnancy test and was really excited and hopeful that she would carry this baby to term. Unfortunately, she only carried the baby about 5 or 6 weeks before she miscarried again.
She constantly goes back to that place where I hate to see her. I hate that she's so upset and there's nothing I can do for her. I hate that she's in so much emotional pain. I hate that she can't carry a baby to full term. She tells me a lot that all she wants is a baby and it's not fair that people that don't deserve to have babies can have them and she can't. My heart breaks into a million pieces every single time. I just want to see my best friend truly happy again, and I'm afraid that isn't going to happen until she can have a baby.
She puts on this brave face and a smile but I know that deep inside she is not happy and she's broken and hurting and there's not a damn thing I can do to make her feel better. I pray for her everyday. I hope, wish, and pray all the time that she will be able to carry a baby to full term someday.
I truly believe that she will be able to carry a baby to full term. I really really wish that she wouldn't have ever had this pain. I know that she misses her babies every day and I know that it hurts her deep inside. She LONGS to be a mother. Her husband has two boys and I know she is very grateful and loves being a stepmom to them, but I know that she wants to have children of her own with her husband.
Seeing her go through these losses hurts me and scares me to know that she's a 21 year old healthy girl that is having a hard time carrying a baby. I often think about if I'll be able to carry a baby. One of my biggest fears is not being able to have children.
I love her like my sister and I just hurt for her. She's my best friend. My sister. My secret keeper. One of the only people I trust completely and would do anything for. If I could, I'd carry a baby for her if it meant her being 100% happy again. Heaven, I know you'll probably never see this, but if you do, just know that I love you and you've truly shown me what it's like to be a best friend and I thank God everyday for you. You've been there for me through some shit and I know we'll be friends for many many many more years. :)
That is heartbreaking. I remember when I was 12 or so my mom miscarried my sister Kalan and how devistating that was to her. She never had another one after that and went on to have two more kids but I cannot imagine how debilitating it must be to your emotional wellbeing to go through what your friend is going through. I know my Fiance' and I want kids more than anything. While I have no reason to fear I won't be able to carry a child, I know my Fiance' has some fertility issues. My biggest fear is not being able to have children as well. I will keep your friend in my thoughts and wish her to stay positive. Miracles happen each and every day. And if waiting is no longer an option fertility treatment is always there! I wish her nothing but the best.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I have no reason to be scared of not being able to have children either, but seeing her go through all of this, I can't help but be a little scared. She's the only person close to me that anything like this has ever happened to, so when it happened I had absolutely no idea what to say or do for her. It breaks my heart on a daily basis, because she tells me so often how much she misses them, or that it's been so many months since she lost them. I agree that miracles do happen everyday and I hope that she will get ehr miracle someday.
DeleteI am so sorry for your friend. I am a full-time stepmom to my husband's daughter and the ONLY thing missing from my life is a baby of my own. We've been trying, but pregnancy doesn't seem to be in the cards for us right now. It's really disheartening, so I can relate to Heaven. Sending her positive vibes, to remain calm and hopeful in this journey. She's lucky to have a friend like you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm sure she appreciates them. :) I'm sending you positive vibes as well.
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