Monday, October 7, 2013

I don't know what to title this..

Since Chase got this job in Texas we have been living in a 31 foot camper. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate everything about it. I hate not having full size appliances. I hate that you can only run two or so things at once or it'll trip the breaker. I hate that the thing that tripped the breaker was my freaking BLOW DRYER. I hate that there's no room. I hate that there's literally two rooms. I hate living so close to everyone else. I hate that we don't have a yard. I hate that we don't have anything permanent. I hate that we moved from a small apartment to something even smaller. I hate that the oven AND microwave are broken. I hate the town we live in. I hate that I hate everything. I'm that person that says that you only make it suck as much as you want. I hate that I'm making it suck here because I hate it.

There are good points though. Texas is beautiful. Chase has a good job. It pays well. We will have health insurance when out Tricare from the Army runs out. I love my husband. I love my dog.

I hate the feeling of wanting to go back to Oklahoma. My mom drives me nuts, my nana (mom's mom) drives me even more nuts, my sister is pregnant and bitchy, my friends all have their own lives, I don't want to be away from Chase. I hate being that person that pretends to be happy, but inside really isn't. I don't want to be that person. I want to be happy, I want to like it here, I want to be okay with living here for the next who knows how long. I want to be that almost 22 year old (in 8 days!!) that is genuinely happy and I absolutely HATE that I'm not her right now. I just don't even know what to do.

:(



2 comments:

  1. ((HUGS)) Maybe you could go to school. I get financial aid, all mine is free. :) I'm sorry you are unhappy. Are there any small houses you can rent? Maybe give it a few months and save up a bit. Then see what you can do. Big hugs!!

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    1. I've looked into school, it's too much money we'd have to pay out of pocket. We can't rent a house because we have to be able to move at any time due to his job. We did move camper spots and it got better. We have a much bigger yard and there's less people and I just like it a lot better. :)

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